


Tripartite

by envysparkler



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Not Naruto Epilogue Compliant, Sasuke gets a genin team, Sasuke is not going soft and he will murder anyone who says otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/envysparkler/pseuds/envysparkler
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke does not do well with kids.  He never has.  Ever.  (Or, the multiple times Sasuke fantasized sticking a sword through Naruto’s smirking face.)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 75





	1. Team Seven, Take Six

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on FFN. Not complaint with the epilogue or Boruto or a lot of things because canon is more like a guideline anyway.
> 
> This happened because I really wanted to stick Sasuke with a genin team.

Sasuke very barely resisted the urge to unsheathe Kusanagi. Very barely. His hand was already tightened around the hilt and if the blond rambling on didn’t know how very close his ANBU Commander was to stabbing him…

There was another hand curling around his, an inhuman grip crushing his fingers and forcing him away from his sword. Sakura took her place at his side and smiled at him sweetly, proceeding to crush his fingers even further.

  
Sasuke made a low strangled sound and Sakura’s smile tightened before she let go. They both turned in unison to face their Hokage, who was blissfully oblivious to the drama in front of him.

“A new generation!” Naruto proclaimed, flailing his hands, “A new era in the world of shinobi!” Sasuke rather hastily tuned him out again and cast a side glance to Sakura, who seemed much more sympathetic to his plight now. She winced and cast a glance at Kusanagi herself before shaking her head and disappearing.

Sasuke did the same.

“And we leave it to the teachers to proudly mold the –” Naruto stopped mid-speech to stare at his empty office, “Sasuke? Sakura? Guys, where are you? Guys?”

* * *

Sasuke looked at the three snot-nosed brats facing him and resisted the urge to bang his hand against a wall. Or perhaps go mutter snide comments at Sakura until she did it for him.

“My name is Reiya Hikaru,” piped up one snot-nosed brat. To be fair, they weren’t snot-nosed, but they were all definitely brats. “My dream is to master all the ninjutsu in the world.” Orochimaru had the same dream, Sasuke mused, and look where he ended up.

“My name is Watanabe Kagami,” the girl said, sounding exactly like Ino at her age – arrogant and entitled, “My dream is to become the best kunoichi in the world.” It was a good thing that the girl _looked_ nothing like Sakura – she had dark hair and dark eyes – because Sasuke was already having flashbacks.

“My name is Akiyama Saru!” the last one said – no, shouted, punching a fist in the air, “My dream is to become Hokage!”

No. Sasuke had an abrupt vision of a twelve-year-old Naruto grinning up at him with that same determined smile. Oh, gods, no. Sasuke’s fingers closed around Kusanagi’s hilt and closed his eyes.

This was going to be terrible.

* * *

He was so, so utterly wrong. It wasn’t just terrible, it was life-stealing, soul-shatteringly _dreadful_. They were so much worse than any Team Seven that had ever come before them – and that was saying something, considering that Namikaze Minato, Hyuuga Hizashi and Uchiha Mikoto had once been on the same team.

Sasuke surveyed his team as the alarm rang, signaling the end of the test. All three were glowering at him. Hikaru was covered head-to-toe in mud, Kagami was drenched and Saru still had tears in his eyes. The two bells were still tying Sasuke’s hair into a ponytail, jingling with every step.

“You all fail,” Sasuke muttered irritably and ended up tying all three of them to the poles and eating the lunch in front of them with great relish. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like they could work together. They managed to get themselves untied by helping each other and Sasuke had to pass them after all. He relayed this news to Naruto, who gave him such a shit-eating grin that only the timely intervention of Konohamaru stopped Sasuke from driving his sword to the hilt into Naruto’s stomach.

* * *

“Your mission,” Sasuke said, reading the scroll with great amusement, “Is to catch the Daimyo’s wife’s cat, Tora.” That demon cat _had_ to be a summons. There was no way it survived this long. Sasuke had a theory that the demon cat was just a way to train baby genin into tracking and capturing elusive and violent prey.

Kagami held the cat at arm’s length and affixed it with a stern glare. The cat yowled and tried to swipe back. Hikaru was cursing as he rubbed the scratches that decorated his body and Saru peered over the other boy’s shoulder, ducking every time the cat hissed.

Sasuke, hidden in a nearby tree, shook with silent laughter. If anyone else saw the ANBU Commander perched on a branch, laughing so hard that he nearly fell off, they would think he was mad.

“She kind of reminds me of Sensei,” Kagami mused. Tora stopped hissing and affixed the girl with a curious look.

“Are you crazy?” Hikaru said, looking around for him. Sasuke had a multitude of ways to hide from genin eyes, though, and merely shifted on the branch. “You want Sensei to come swooping in here all passive-aggressive and assign us two days of training with Lee-san?”

He did not _swoop_. Sasuke glared indignantly at the trio of genin below him. And he was not passive-aggressive, either. As for training with Lee, that was starting to sound like a good idea.

“Please,” Kagami rolled her eyes, “He’s a total softie. Like Tora-chan,” she smiled at the demon cat, who blinked in surprise at the thought that it was anything but evil. “Didn’t you see him with Hokage-sama? He had this small smile on his face even though he was calling him ‘dobe’ and everything.”

Sasuke was frozen to the spot with horror. He…he was not _soft_. He wasn’t smiling at Naruto, he was smirking! He was…he was…

He was going to go and assassinate Naruto. Maybe then people would start taking him seriously again. He used to be feared by _nukenin_ , now even his own genin thought he was soft.

Growling softly, Sasuke withdrew into the foliage. Training with Lee was too good for these brats.

“Guys, do you feel something strange?” Saru said, peering around them in suspicion.

“Yeah,” Hikaru agreed, rubbing the back of his neck, “It feels like something’s really bad is going to happen.”

“Pessimists,” Kagami shook her head and tucked the cat under her arm, heading back to the Mission Assignment Desk. Tora just meowed.

* * *

“You want me to train your genin?” Sakura said flatly. It wasn’t a question, no matter how she phrased it.

“I feel like they would benefit from your wisdom and experience,” Sasuke said diplomatically, his Sharingan tracking the movements of her hands. He’d caught Sakura at a bad time, judging by the dark circles under her eyes, and one word out of place and the marketplace would never be the same again.

“Oh?” Sakura arched an eyebrow, “So I have wisdom and experience, do I now?”

“When have I ever said that you haven’t?” Sasuke replied, affronted. He went out of his way not to antagonize Sakura. The pink-haired medic was downright _vicious_ and if he had a choice between facing her wrath and battling Kyuubi, he’d chose the Kyuubi every time.

Even a personification of hate had nothing on a vindictive kunoichi.

“I do hope that you’re not trying to foist your responsibility off on me, Sasuke,” Sakura said shortly, putting a hand on her hip. That was not good – it was the exact same thing Tsunade used to do before punching Naruto out of her office. “I’m far too busy to take on a genin team, as I already explained to Naruto.”

No, Naruto just liked Sakura more than he liked his poor ANBU Commander, which Sasuke thought was blatant favoritism.

“Of course not,” Sasuke hastily backtracked, “Just one training session. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Sakura eyed him for another moment, “A week’s stay at the hot springs and the promise that Konohamaru and his merry band of perverts aren’t going to be anywhere near me.”

“Done.”

* * *

“You’re getting a _girl_ to teach us?” Hikaru said with disgust. Saru was silent but Kagami punched him on the arm. Ouch. Sasuke mentally winced as he looked over to Sakura. His teammate looked calm, but she was pulling on black gloves.

“This is my former teammate, Haruno Sakura-san. I expect that you’ll treat her with respect,” Sasuke said, but it was a light admonishment. After all, Sakura could take care of herself. “I’ll see you at three.”

Sasuke hightailed it out of there before the first tree came crashing down. Hearing faint screams, he smirked. On a whim, he changed direction to the Hokage Tower.

“Sasuke,” Naruto said, surprised. He glanced at the clock, “Shouldn’t you be training your team? Please tell me you’re not following in Kakashi’s footsteps.” 

Now _that_ was an idea. Sasuke imagined the looks of rage and consternation on his brats’ faces if he showed up three hours late. Perhaps he could make them wake up at the crack of dawn, too.

“No, I gave them to Sakura for the day.”

“Sasuke, I’ve repeatedly told you this,” Naruto sighed, “You can’t just push your genin off on someone else. I’m sure Lee appreciates the three new victims he’s got, and Kiba says that the pups like playing with kids, and Ino loves psyching out baby genin, but still. You can’t –” A strange look crossed over Naruto’s face. “Did you say Sakura?”

“Yes,” Sasuke replied, enjoying the look of horror on Naruto’s face. A distant crash sounded in the distance and Naruto rubbed his temples.

“You do realize that she’s been waiting to take her frustrations out on someone for the past week?” Naruto asked before groaning, “Of course you did, you were the one who pissed her off in the first place.”

Sasuke remained stoic and aloof, not responding to his Hokage’s outrageous accusations. 

“Why would you do this to your kids, Sasuke, _why_?”

“If they have such a soft sensei,” Sasuke shrugged, “Then it would benefit them to learn from someone a lot tougher.” He sat down and started rifling through Naruto’s paperwork, waiting until the man got irritated enough to kick him out of his office.

Sasuke was bound to follow his Hokage’s orders, but ‘get out’ could be taken in a variety of ways.

* * *

His team was full of orphans. Sasuke didn’t even know why he was surprised – he was a traitor and an Uchiha. No sane person would trust him with a child, let alone three. But if they had to, better if they all were parentless children who no one would miss if Sasuke lost his mind again.

Sasuke wouldn’t. The madness hadn’t crept back since Madara died and Sasuke knew that he could trace it all back to him, the Mangekyo, the Uchiha coup, the curse of their red eyes. Sasuke was a loyal, obedient shinobi of the Leaf – loyal because he chose, but obedient because he _had_ to be – and he was hurt by the thought that Naruto didn’t trust him at least this much.

* * *

“That was your _teammate_?” Hikaru asked, shaking. There were bruises all over his arms and both of his eyes were open wide. It looked like Sakura had refrained from putting his genin in the hospital. Pity. Sasuke would’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Kagami and Saru didn’t fare much better. Kagami’s normally neat hair was sticking all over the place and Saru had two black eyes. Both of them were favoring Sasuke with the same wild-eyed look.

“Yes,” Sasuke replied calmly. 

“How did you survive your genin team?” Hikaru breathed out. This was a question Sasuke had been trying to answer for a long time – an answer he still couldn’t figure out.

“The Hokage was also on my genin team,” Sasuke reminded them, before turning towards the Mission Assignment Desk, “I think a C-rank mission would be a nice change, today.”

His three little brats groaned.

* * *

“Are you mad at me, Sasuke?” Naruto asked shrewdly. Sasuke stepped out of the shadows, inwardly cursing his teammate’s perception.

“Hn,” he said, reverting to the monosyllabic answer he always defaulted on. It was the eve of his team’s first C-rank and Sasuke wanted answers.

“Is this about Sakura again, because no, I do not know where she got that photo from, and this is just as embarrassing for me as it is for you!” Naruto steadily built up another rant, “Hinata won’t even look me in the eye anymore and Shikamaru keeps laughing every time he sees my face and –”

“Why did you give me a genin team?”

“…What?” Naruto asked, his voice dropping back down to a normal pitch. He wasn’t looking Sasuke in the eye.

“Why did you give me a genin team?” Sasuke repeated patiently.

Naruto shuffled a few papers, clearly stalling, before finally looking up. “You have to figure that out for yourself, Sasuke,” Naruto said.

“It can’t be because you trust me,” Sasuke continued, clutching the Hokage desk and leaning closer until he could see the hint of red around Naruto’s blue eyes, “Because I still have to obey every command you give me.”

“I do trust you, Sasuke,” Naruto sighed, “It’s just to be safe that –”

“They’re all orphans,” Sasuke cut his Hokage off.

“I’m sorry?”

“Don’t play dumb, Naruto, it doesn’t suit you,” Sasuke narrowed his eyes, “If you trust me so much, why did you give me a team of orphans?”

“Oh my god, Sasuke, this is ridiculous,” Naruto stood up, “I gave you a genin team, not a time bomb! Stop reading so much into it – almost everyone’s an orphan, nowadays.” He gestured irritably to the window, “Now get out – and don’t leave the village!” he hastily tacked on at the end, “Don’t think I don’t know how you subvert half my orders!”

Sasuke gave him a one-fingered salute before leaping out, and a cry of ‘Bastard!’ followed him into the night.

* * *

The C-rank mission was predictably boring – an out-of-town mission as safe as it could be. It was a mission solely designed to boost the egos of baby genin. They had to guard a road to nowhere against imaginary opponents.

Of course, the road remained empty during their one-week vigil, and the fearsome samurai ghosts that their mission scroll referred to had never showed up. Sasuke wondered why Konoha still let people submit mission requests when drunk.

“This is a C-rank?” Hikaru said, disgusted, as they began to walk back to Konoha, “Then what are S-ranks? Border patrol?”

Kagami rolled her eyes, “Use a little sense, Hikaru. This is a C-rank just because it takes place outside the village. We can’t be so lucky every time.” He knew there was a reason that Kagami was his favorite.

“Lucky?” Saru said, disbelieving, “This was the worst mission ever. How can I become Hokage if I get stuck with uncool missions?” He sounded so much like Naruto that Sasuke was tempted to ask the idiot if he’d left any bastards before setting out to war.

Sasuke walked calmly, black eyes watching his team as they bickered amongst themselves. He wasn’t fond of them. He _wasn’t_. It was just that the three brats were a constant source of amusement. That was all.

He thought back to Naruto’s cryptic words and briefly closed his eyes. He really wanted to let Kusanagi out to play. Let the dobe try to give him vague answers while choking on his own blood.

Unfortunately, it would have to wait. While the road was still empty, their opponents were no longer imaginary.

* * *

“Well, well, if it isn’t Uchiha Sasuke, infamous Avenger and the Hokage’s personal pet.”

“We’ve been looking for you for a while now, Uchiha- _sama_.”

“Too bad the Hokage doesn’t let you out of the village – tight leash, huh?”

“Look at this, boys! The Uchiha’s got some kids!”

“Forgive me for the presumption, but they don’t look like yours.”

“You’re wanted alive, Uchiha, so I suggest coming quietly. Or these three cute little genin are going to bite the dust.”

.

.

.

“ _Amaterasu._ ”

* * *

He gathered up three warm, shaking bodies and squeezed them tightly. He wasn’t hugging them because Uchiha Sasuke did not hug people. He was just checking them for injuries. That was it.

“Sensei, you can let us go now.”

There was blood on Kagami’s hair and Sasuke was momentarily alarmed, before remembering that she had decapitated the bounty hunter that Sasuke’s black flames had missed. He squeezed them tighter.

“Sensei…getting a bit difficult to breathe.”

  
Saru was abnormally quiet, though. Was he injured? The Sharingan swirled as Sasuke thought back to the events. He shouldn’t be injured. Kagami and Hikaru had attacked the only bounty hunter that Amaterasu did not catch. Or did they? Had there been another enemy that Sasuke had missed?

“Sensei? Sensei, we’re fine.”

And what about Hikaru? The boy liked mouthing off far too much. What if the enemy nin had taken offense to the insults he’d been spouting and managed to get an attack in when Sasuke wasn’t watching?

“See, I told you he’s a big softie.”

Sasuke finally roused himself at that accusation. “Am not,” he muttered, his face still buried in Kagami’s hair. Saru was squirming and Hikaru was running through a list of jutsu that could get him to release them.

Sasuke mentally scoffed. As if the little brats thought they could escape the grasp of Konoha’s ANBU Commander.

“Sasuke-sensei, you can really let us go now,” Kagami said again, her voice soft, “We’re fine.”

“Hn,” Sasuke muttered. They might’ve been fine _now_ , but what about when the next group of missing nin burst through the trees? The thought alarmed him and he looked up quickly, Sharingan spinning, to make sure there were no other enemies converging.

“That was so cool, though!” Saru piped up, “Those shinobi came but you didn’t even look surprised, sensei!” Sasuke had certainly _felt_ surprised. “And they were taunting you but you were so silent and calm and then they were on _fire_!” Saru made the appropriate sound effects. “And then Hikaru attacked the other shinobi and Kagami sliced his head off which was _really awesome_.”

Kagami beamed and Hikaru started arguing, “What are you talking about, my part was cooler!”

“Shut up, smartass! He said _I_ was the most awesome!”

“I attacked him first! It was only because of me that you were able to get that shot in the first place!”

“Guys, calm down, you’re both equally awesome!”

“ _What_?” Kagami screeched, “You just said I was better!”

Sasuke let go of them before he got an elbow to the face. His three precious genin dissolved into a shouting match.

Sasuke sighed. “You will all be training with Lee for a _week_ ,” Sasuke said with finality, and started back on the path.

“What?”

“Sen _sei_!”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t do anything!”

“Make that a month,” Sasuke changed his mind and continued walking, a small smile on his face as his genin continued protesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, rereading this really made me nostalgic for some good old genin team fluff. I wonder if anyone would be interested if I continued this.


	2. Babysitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The public reason was that Sasuke had a habit of disappearing. The official-but-classified reason was that Sasuke was still the ANBU Commander. The unofficial-but-more-plausible reason was that Sasuke had never claimed to have patience and was privately sympathetic to Kakashi’s approach to teaching.
> 
> The actual reason?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I continued this after all your lovely comments! This will be more in the vein of a collection of self-contained stories in the Sasuke-teaches-the-new-Team-Seven universe, so the story will remain being marked 'complete'. If you have any suggestions or requests on what you'd like to see in this universe, let me know!

The public reason was that Sasuke had a habit of disappearing. The official-but-classified reason was that Sasuke was still the ANBU Commander. The unofficial-but-more-plausible reason was that Sasuke had never claimed to have patience and was privately sympathetic to Kakashi’s approach to teaching.

The actual reason?

The actual reason was that Sasuke saw Lee power-walking on his hands through the market and had a jolt of nostalgia. Quickly and instinctively followed by an oh-god-hide- _now_ reflex.

The brats peered at the watermelon rolling on the ground as Sasuke hid under the fruit cart.

Lee had of course spotted the movement and approached the brats, flipping back onto his feet and shooting them a blinding grin. “What brings three youthful genin such as yourselves to the market on such a beautiful day?”

“We were following Sensei,” Saru peered at the watermelon, nudging it with his foot. Hikaru and Kagami showed a _little_ more sense in that Hikaru began scanning the surroundings and Kagami gave Lee a narrow-eyed stare.

He was not supposed to have a favorite, but right now, Kagami was definitely winning.

“And who is your most youthful sensei?”

“Uchiha Sasuke,” all three genin ratted him out immediately. Sasuke revised his opinion. None of them were his favorite, because all of them were traitors.

“Oh, it would be a glorious challenge of our youth to find your sensei!” Lee posed, and none of the genin had the sense to look away. “If we do not find your sensei before the sun sets, we must do a thousand push-ups!”

“Wait –”

“What?”

“A _thousand_ –”

But Lee was already gone and the three little brats were rubbing stars out of their eyes.

Sasuke, still hiding under the fruit cart, had a horrible, _awful_ idea.

The newest incarnation of Team Seven felt a shiver run down their spines.

* * *

Sasuke showed up long after the sun set, alighting on a tree branch above Lee as he supervised the push-ups. “Five hundred more to go,” Lee proclaimed cheerfully, not even looking winded.

Saru was crying. Kagami was glaring at Lee like she could burn a hole through his head if she stared long enough. Hikaru made a sound like a dying whale.

Sasuke rustled a branch, just to watch three genin’s gazes snap to him.

“Sensei,” Hikaru breathed out, hopeful. Kagami switched her glare to wide eyes. Saru looked at him pleadingly.

“Four hundred eighty-three left,” Sasuke informed them helpfully.

“Sensei, _please_ –”

“We’re sorry for whatever we did –”

“Sensei, you can’t leave us here –”

“You know, it would be a most youthful challenge to see how many times we can run around Konoha –”

Sasuke disappeared.

* * *

No, that was a lie. Sasuke disappeared only as far as the next tree over, where he masked his chakra and stayed hidden in the shadows. Lee stayed with his genin, encouraging them with cheerful praise, through all remaining four hundred and eighty-three push-ups, until Saru, Kagami, and Hikaru were limp on the ground.

And then Lee got them water bottles, and chivvied them upright, and let Hikaru ride on his shoulders, and let Kagami and Saru latch on his hands as he led three exhausted genin home.

Sasuke followed on the rooftops, dropping down behind Lee after Hikaru stumbled inside his front door.

“They’re good kids,” Lee said softly.

“Hn.”

“And you will be a good teacher,” Lee smiled.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Lee’s back. “Because the ANBU Commander is always the first choice when it comes to dealing with children,” Sasuke said flatly.

“You are not only the ANBU Commander,” Lee said, “You are also one of Konoha’s finest shinobi.” Sasuke snorted. “And your ANBU commitments need not interfere with training your team – with Konoha’s spirit, you will prevail!”

Sasuke’s horrible, awful idea took root.

“Thank you for volunteering your time,” Sasuke said, hiding his glee.

“What? Sasuke, I don’t –”

“You are Konoha’s spirit, are you not?”

“I’m – that’s not what I –”

“Too late.” Sasuke allowed himself one smirk in the face of Lee’s panicked confusion before he vanished back into the night.

* * *

Sasuke was honestly impressed that the brats showed up to training the next day. Bleary-eyed, still-exhausted, and giving him murder eyes, but still. On time and all.

Sasuke was always at least fifteen minutes early, because of the Incident when he’d been a genin. Once, all three of them had been independently running a few minutes behind – infected by Kakashi’s laziness – when they walked onto the training grounds and were met with Kakashi’s unamused stare. No one on Team Seven had ever made the mistake of running late ever again. Not even after that time when Kakashi didn’t show up for six hours. It wasn’t worth it.

This lesson had only been reinforced by the Chuunin Exams.

Because Sasuke was not an entire asshole – and because several things about Kakashi’s teaching style were beginning to make sense, but one of those things was _not_ why he’d waited weeks before actually teaching them anything useful – he decided that today would be a great day to learn tree-walking.

Because Sasuke was still _somewhat_ an asshole, he waited until the three tired genin had halfway scaled a tree, arms trembling violently, before he mentioned that they weren’t supposed to be using their hands.

All three of them slid down and groaned.

Sasuke demonstrated once and settled upside down on a branch to watch.

None of them got it immediately, because none of them were Sakura. Which was good, because Sasuke knew she would poach his students if any of them had the precision chakra control of a medic, and _no one_ was taking his genin.

_The_ genin. They weren’t his. He didn’t care about them. He _didn’t_. In fact, Sakura was welcome to them.

Hikaru figured out the trick first, though he still slipped off the tree, and he had a whispered conference with the other two. Kagami managed five more steps than she had previously, and Saru didn’t immediately blast off the moment he touched the tree.

Sasuke almost smiled, but all his amusement died when he sensed the approaching presence. He scowled and flipped back on top of the branch.

“Sasuke.”

“Mutt.”

“Naruto wants you. Some fuck-up in River Country.”

Sasuke’s scowl deepened. What was the point of giving him a genin team if he was supposed to abandon them on a moment’s notice?

“I’m busy,” he said flatly. Hikaru nearly made it to the top before he slipped. In his panic, he grabbed onto the tree and hung on precariously. Kagami slipped down, laughing, and Saru snickered as he made his own attempt.

“I can take over,” Kiba offered, “Tree-walking, right? Looks like they’re getting the hang of it.”

Sasuke’s mouth thinned out. “Very well, mutt. Have fun babysitting.” He disappeared with a swirl of leaves.

* * *

There was, indeed, a situation in River Country where some up-jumped merchant had hired a missing nin to assassinate a noble who happened to be married to a cousin of the Fire Daimyo.

Before sundown, the missing nin, the merchant, and several guards lay dismembered in pools of blood.

* * *

“This doesn’t look much like tree-walking to me,” Sasuke said, watching three brats sleeping, buried under puppies.

“They had never seen nin dogs before,” Kiba said sheepishly, “And they were tired of tree-walking.”

“This is precisely why Naruto didn’t give _you_ a team,” Sasuke said flatly.

Kiba groaned and flopped back against Akamaru, who huffed in amusement. Neither of them drew attention to the fact that Sasuke was still covered in blood.

* * *

It took approximately three days after that for Sasuke’s patience to run low again. Admittedly, their mission that day had involved a lot of toiling in the sun, and Hikaru had dumped a bucket of soapy water on Kagami’s head, and Saru had been stung by a bee – but after the third time Kagami attempted to decapitate Hikaru, Sasuke forcibly separated all three of them.

He gave them a narrow-eyed stare, the Sharingan spinning.

Kagami muttered insults under her breath, glaring at Hikaru. Hikaru huffed, crossing his arms. Saru’s face was dangerously close to a sulk.

“Shinobi aren’t supposed to show emotions,” Sasuke said, wondering what they were teaching kids these days. Wasn’t the Academy supposed to cover all this stuff? He knew it was still in the handbook, Naruto hadn’t gotten around to overhauling that yet.

“Shinobi aren’t supposed to show emotions,” Hikaru mimicked in a high-pitched tone, sticking his tongue out at Kagami. Kagami swelled up in fury as Sasuke blinked.

Sasuke was – he was – did he just – Sasuke was _surprised_. Very few people taunted Sasuke and lived, and it had been _years_ since someone had mimicked him.

Aside from Naruto, but Naruto didn’t count because Sasuke was a part of at least three separate assassination plots against him, depending on whether or not Sai was using euphemisms again.

Sasuke was so surprised that his first reaction – a swift introduction to Tsukuyomi – was thankfully forestalled. He didn’t need another one of Sakura’s lectures on ‘appropriate reactions’.

He tightened his fists to prevent his second and third reactions, and exhaled slowly. None of the three brats were looking at him, name-calling each other and making a wide variety of insulting faces, and it gave him the time to temper his rage into something cold.

“You’re dismissed for the day,” Sasuke said, and was pleased when they all froze at his tone. “You can report to Lee for tomorrow’s training.”

“What?”

But Sasuke was already leaving, a hand raised in farewell.

* * *

“We’re very sorry, Sensei, for behaving in a manner unbefitting a shinobi,” Kagami said, clearly and precisely. Hikaru and Saru nodded frantically behind her.

“How did training go?” Sasuke asked casually. All three of them winced. Sasuke let the corner of his lips twitch.

* * *

“I’m busy,” Sasuke said, before the shinobi even opened his mouth. Kagami, Hikaru, and Saru were having a three-way sparring match and he was watching intently for their strengths, weaknesses, and the strategies they were employing.

Team Seven had improved enormously in the few short weeks he’d had them, though they hadn’t been slouches before. They actually worked together as a team, and they hadn’t even needed the threat of a S-rank missing nin to do so. It was mind-boggling.

Of course, it could be that none of them had demons sealed into their stomachs, or crushes on their teammates – Sasuke _hoped_ , because that was not a conversation he wanted to have with any of them – or it could be that none of them were revenge-obsessed lunatics with an inflated self-worth.

Either way, they were actually coming together pretty well as a team, and they were going to head to the mission office after the spar ended, and Sasuke had a lot of plans for today that were at odds with assassination.

Sasuke didn’t like his plans disturbed. Naruto seemed to relish destroying them.

“Um, Uchiha-san, it’s time-sensitive –”

“I don’t care. I’m busy.”

Kagami caught Hikaru in a headlock and kicked at Saru – who surprisingly dodged, that boy had come far – and flicked his hands through seals – but Kagami was already letting go of Hikaru, who suddenly found himself on the other side of their fight as Saru replaced him, kunai out – but Hikaru recovered quickly and a giant fireball enveloped the clearing.

Sasuke winced – he regretted teaching Hikaru that one, especially since Hikaru’s reaction to ‘this is too big and showy to be useful’ was to _never stop using it_.

“It’s urgent,” the shinobi insisted, “A missing nin was captured for interrogation. There is suspicion she’s involved in a plot to kill the Hokage. Yamanaka-san needs your expertise.”

Sasuke made a low, displeased sound. The shinobi audibly gulped.

Sasuke mentally weighed the costs and benefits of Naruto dying, but finally decided that the potential of Kakashi – or, _shudder_ , Sakura – becoming Hokage was dire enough to intervene.

“Halt!” he called out. The three of them, predictably, ignored him.

Sasuke sighed and flickered into the middle of their spar. He caught Saru’s kick – a little wobbly, he’d have to correct that – dodged Kagami’s senbon and stepped back from her follow-up swipe with her kunai – and flashed through a water jutsu to douse Hikaru’s fireball.

Three mildly damp genin blinked at him.

“We’re going on a field trip,” Sasuke informed them.

* * *

“This is Yamanaka Ino,” Sasuke pointed out, ignoring Ino’s raised eyebrow, “The Head of the Intelligence Division.”

“This is a prison,” Ino said, “Not a daycare.”

The three brats bristled at that, and Sasuke very carefully did not smile.

“I’m sure this won’t take long,” he said mildly, “They can stay in your office until I finish.” Ino narrowed her eyes, but didn’t comment.

“What are you doing, Sensei?” Saru asked, bright-eyed.

“Making sure everyone understands that any plots to assassinate the idiot have to go through _me_ ,” Sasuke said. Every shinobi in hearing distance took an instinctive step back.

* * *

True to his word, it _didn’t_ take very long. Few people had the fortitude to stand up to Tsukuyomi, and he had the information in what technically amounted to three seconds.

And then he caught the missing nin in another genjutsu, because he could. Her plot to poison Naruto would only end up in some minor heartburn, and Sasuke had a lot of excess energy to burn off. When he got tired of the torture, he retreated to his mental stream and blocked out the sound of screams.

When he emerged from the genjutsu, five hours had passed and Ino’s face was _furious_. Three genin were staring at her in fascinated, slightly-horrified wonder.

“They poisoned the Hokage,” she hissed.

“Too late to warn you, then,” he said, unconcerned.

“ _Sasuke_ –”

“Yamanaka-san is so cool, Sensei!”

“Did you know she tortures people?”

“Can _I_ torture someone?”

“Not today,” Sasuke said firmly, leading them out the door. Ino’s seething glare followed them out.

* * *

“Lee’s out of town,” Sasuke frowned.

Naruto, who had just finished the mission briefing, blinked at him. “What does Lee have to do with Orochimaru’s lab?”

“The genin team,” Sasuke’s frowned deepened into a glare, “The one _you_ gave to me.”

“You can give them a day off, you know,” Naruto sighed.

Sasuke blinked at him, wondering if he was actually that stupid. Give three little monsters in training the day off to either kill each other or burn down the village?

Wait, no, that was perfect.

“Okay,” Sasuke shrugged. Naruto looked a bit suspicious at the easy acquiescence but waved Sasuke off to complete his mission.

Sasuke took a deep breath of the early morning Konoha air, which was clear and crisp and untinged with smoke.

* * *

Sasuke returned to a slightly charred Hokage’s office and a steaming Naruto.

“Did someone attack you while I was gone?” Sasuke asked, peering around the room. There didn’t seem to be evidence of a fight, aside from the charring and the faint scent of smoke.

“Your team,” Naruto almost snarled.

Sasuke didn’t let his lips curl into a smile.

“You taught them the Great Fireball jutsu,” Naruto hissed.

Sasuke blinked at him, spreading his hands slightly to convey _who else was I going to teach it to?_

“This is _your fault_.”

“You told me to give them the day off,” Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto looked like he was ready to leap across the table and strangle Sasuke. Sasuke smirked and tilted his head with a perfectly crafted look of puzzlement. “Team Seven,” Naruto snarled, his hands curling and uncurling into claws. “Get in here.”

Three sheepish genin slunk into the room. Hikaru was soaked, Saru was trembling, and Kagami was trying very hard not to grin in a way that suggested that the whole thing was her fault. They gave him three identical puppy-dog looks, most likely learned from Kiba’s mutts.

Sasuke gave them an unimpressed look. Clearly they needed remedial lessons in _not getting caught_.

For now, though, he settled in front of his genin, watching with boredom and the slightest bit of fond nostalgia as Naruto ranted about property damage and the appropriate use of fire and blah and blah and blah.

Sasuke took his genin out for ice cream afterwards, because even if they had gotten caught, _he_ had never managed to burn the Hokage’s office and such ingenuity had to be rewarded.

Maybe he should’ve been recruiting genin for his assassination plots.

* * *

“The tickets to the onsen,” Sasuke passed over dutifully. Sakura took them with narrowed eyes.

“Konohamaru and his team are on border patrol near Suna,” Sasuke said.

“Hmm,” Sakura said, still eyeing him with suspicion, like she didn’t know whether to trust him or not.

Sasuke fought the urge to scowl back.

“Your kids are in one piece,” she said finally, turning away.

Sasuke blinked.

“Hn,” he said, because he hadn’t said a word.

Sakura snorted. “It was written all over your face, Sasuke,” she called back, walking back into the hospital, “Don’t worry, your precious team hasn’t been maimed. Well, relatively.”

Sasuke, who had been scowling at the implication that he actually cared about the brats, stilled at Sakura’s parting words.

He may have made it back to the training grounds at a pace that was relatively quicker than his usual.

* * *

Sasuke found that he had a startlingly aggressive reaction to the thought of leaving the brats with someone else after that disaster of a C-rank. It wasn’t as though he cared or anything, it was just that no one in the village – with the possible exception of Naruto and Sakura – could match his power levels, and the brats had already been identified at his team.

He _didn’t_ care about them. It…it would just be a pain to hear Naruto’s lectures if the brats ended up dead, and Sasuke knew he’d get saddled with another team and the thought made him shudder.

He wasn’t fond of them, he’d just put a lot of – okay, _a bit of_ effort in training them, and Sasuke abhorred waste.

Unfortunately, Sasuke was still the ANBU Commander – 1) because there was no point in replacing him, he knew all the secrets, 2) because no one else was able to keep Naruto in line, 3) because the longer Sasuke went without fighting someone, the testier he became, and 4) because Sasuke was intimately aware of the horrific things ANBU could do when not properly managed – and as much as he glowered and seethed, he couldn’t put off his responsibilities forever.

He was still not letting the brats out of his sight, though.

“Team Seven,” Sasuke said flatly, and the genin switched from curiously eyeing the sweating messenger to looking up at him. “Three rules. No talking. No sparring. No leaving my sight. Follow me.”

The genin followed in more-or-less silence until they reached ANBU headquarters, at which point they threw out all his rules.

By the end of the day, each of the brats had managed to acquire a mask – Snail, Lizard, Frog – Hikaru had several burns and a light in his eyes like he’d seen the truth – Sasuke made a mental note to learn more water jutsu – Saru had somehow managed to orchestrate a tea party and was chatting with several still-masked ANBU – the tea was pretty good actually – and Kagami was surrounded by more sharp, pointy objects than he was comfortable with – the slightly maniac look on her face did not help.

Sasuke confiscated the masks, complimented Saru’s tea – “Hn.” – preemptively doused Hikaru with a bucket of water, and flat-out refused to let Kagami arm herself from the ANBU arsenal.

Kagami blatantly ignored his orders and got herself a sword almost taller than she was, Hikaru was cackling to himself, not even noticing that he was dripping water, and Saru beamed at the compliment, a smile so reminiscent of Naruto’s pranking days that Sasuke made a mental note to never accept tea from him again.

And no matter how many times he locked them away, the masks _kept coming back_.

Sasuke eyed three tiny masked genin – one wobbling next to a giant sword, one eerily still, and one still smoking. He could almost hear Naruto laughing. He eyed the road outside the training ground, where a green blur was cartwheeling through.

He substituted himself and ignored the joyful expressions about youth and springtime and Kagami’s screech and Saru’s yowl and the swoosh of flames as he sauntered away.

He did promise them training with Lee for a month.

* * *

The actual reason was that Team Seven was a band of hellions and even Uchiha Sasuke couldn’t manage them on his own.


End file.
